I feel like sh*t,

I feel like shit.

It's COVID19 and I can honestly say, this is the heaviest weight I have weighed in a very long time.

You see, I let it all go - without letting it all go.

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COVID19.

I worked out 5-6x a week (to the best of my ability), but caught myself constantly picking at foods.

I couldn't keep myself out of the kitchen, the fridge, the pantry, the bags, containers or snacks. I couldn't. I didn't realize how bad it fucking got, until I was unrecognizable.

This may sound dramatic, and truly, I don't care if it does.

Let's be honest: feelings can be dramatic as fuckkkk sometimes.

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So, I have gained weight.

Some people have used this time to really shine, and reach their goals, while others (ahem ... shameful hand raise) have not.

I have gained weight, regardless of the training and steps I have completed. It doesn't matter - because the weight gain is real. And let me tell you. I am feeling, seeing and disliking it.

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I know I am not alone.

I know there are other warriors out there whom have fallen into past patterns and behaviours, as I have. We are out of routine, struggling to find peace within our brains and truthfully - just struggling.

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To you...

I commend you, for being here and trying regardless of what your brain of shame, guilt, exhaustion, frustration, and guilt are telling you. So here is some advice.

1. Be kinder to yourself.

Forgive yourself for fucking up, falling into old patterns and feeling like a big ole' baggggg of shizzz.

2. Gratitude.

State 5 things you are grateful for each day. This helps you rewire your brain and focus on things beyond your physical appearance.

3. Remind yourself.

You can always start again. You can always try again. You can always lose weight again. You can always train again. You can always make a lifestyle change, again. You will overcome this and we will fall into a bit more normalcy, soon.

4. Try.

if you can't do it all - do something. Go for one 30 minute walk a day, make an effort to do 10,000 steps, or meditate atleast 5x a week. Try something. Find something you can stick to and do it.

5. Start small.

Don't go balls-to-the-walls just because you're unhappy with how you've "let yourself go". No. Again, start small. Small efforts make a big difference.

6. Humanize it.

You are human. Things happen. It's okay. Be graceful, be kind, be courageous and be forgiving.

I love you, xo.