ABOUT DEE

Dee,
She’s a simple girl really. I mean. How couldn’t she be “simple”?
She grew up with one of two sisters and a mum, under a few different houses (we moved a bit) with the occasional cat or dog to call a pet. She went to elementary school, high school and college. She played on an elite soccer league, enjoyed going to the beach, sneaking-in on weekends and going out with a fake ID (sorry ma!).
She worked as a server and sales associate growing up. Dee later pursued the studies of  Personal Training after investing in a superb personal trainer at a local gym. She educated herself and studied the great and fascinating Diploma Credited – Social Service Worker Study, throughout college.
Oh and hey! This girl named Daniella, better known as Dee. Well, she did all this while being blinded by her Mental Illness.
Introducing, the big and bold: Anxiety and Depression.

I suffered anxiety and depression growing up. I remember  the doctors asking me at the young age of 10, whether or not I had “felt depressed”. Being young, I did not recognize the (obvious) signs that had been present for quite some time.
I mean – yes, my mother and I argued an (pun intended) arguably obnoxious amount; but I had thought that was just “us” – this was just the kind of “relationship” we had. Little did I know the depth it would have on my upbringing of my mental state, perceptions and values.
I grew up with a family who argued loudly, loved hard and also was forced to “fend for themselves”. Fending for yourself really does make one grow up quickly. I mean, I was purchasing big investments – like a car at the age of 16 with my own, hard earned money.  I drove myself around, I worked multiple jobs and slept minimal hours. A real “go-getter” description is what I would like to look back, and admire about myself. I maintained an awesome, fun social life, finished high school and post-secondary school without any failed classes (somehow!) and truthfully just was known to keep super busy, in order to afford the things I desired.
(LuluLemon really goes make your booty look great..)

Over the years, Ive really done lots! Following my heart never used to be the issue, thats for certain!

Apart from attaining a heavy work/school/social life, completing my Social Service Worker Diploma and Personal Training Certificate, I continued to follow my heart further.

1. Insert the Era of Eating Disorders and the year of 2013, where I followed my heart and competed in four Fitness Competitions. Believe it or not: I placed top 3 in every competition, and even took home GOLD baby!!

2. I followed any heart and moved from small town Niagara Falls, Ontario, to Vancouver, British Columbia.

3. I followed met heart, chased a boy and believed in the magic I had once felt.

4. I followed my heart and moved to a very rural region of Thailand, named Lori for 6 months.

Type A personality people like to be BUSY! Can you tell?

However, this Type A, “go-getter”, distanced and stressed upbringing has definitely lead me to the girl I am today.

RECOVERING.

I am recovering from moving away too young, from growing up too fast, from a stressed & non-existent relationship with both my parents and mostly, from the perceptions that Mental Illness can create.

Mental illness is a funny thing. It really changes your perceptions and your entire view on life, obstacles and dreams.

• Anxiety – makes you fear the future.

• Depression – makes you dwell on the past.

• Eating Disorders – enhance instability throughout your entire well being, and make you socially isolate.

Recovery is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Its bloody-well difficult. Recovery is harder than sticking to a “meal plan” for competitions, harder than studying for my midterms, worse than popping a tire on the highway and WAY more difficult to talk about than confessing to my mom that I crashed my car into a wall – twice.

Recovery feels like a constant, never ending battle of “One step forward, two steps back”. And to be honest, thats exactly what it is.
Recovery is weekly counselling, tears, pain and suffering. Its frustration, screaming at the top of your lungs and feeling too weak to move from bed.
Recovery is exhausting. I had no idea the extent to which my mind could fatigue my entire body and well-being, until I entered recovery mode.
Recovery is a beautiful disaster.
Recovery makes you stronger. it challenges you, pushes you and enhances your everyday knowledge.
Recovery teaches self love-as its really hard to learn whom you really are as a person, when you’ve been previously blinded by toxic relationships, over-working, partying or dedicating yourself to strict gym schedules.