Love Language
- Jan 15, 2020
- 4 min read
What is your love language?
Maybe you're shaking your head out of confusion at this question, or maybe you know exactly what I am talking about. Whichever. Whatever. Read on to find out.
The 5 Love Languages is a book based on each of our unique needs, in regards to love. This does not just include romantic relationships, but rather, the love we experience all around us. Love comes from co-workers and spouses, to family members and friends. Love can be displayed to strangers, acquaintances or your favourite Starbucks Barista. Whomever it is - we love. We all love. However, how we show and give love, can be very different from others.
SO...What is your Love Language?
There is an online test you can do that better describes the different Love Languages, as well as discovers your unique Love Language.
Normally, people are the first two of the test results. The tests explains that we don't have one specific Love Language, but rather two stronger Love Languages, followed by three weaker ones.
(The three weaker ones matter, but not as much as the fist two. So like, they're nice, but they're not thatttttt nice. They're not perfect).
1. Acts of Service
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Physical Touch
4. Quality Time
5. Receiving Gifts
These are my actual results, in order.
...&
This is what it means, in short form:
Help me with the chores, pick things up on your way home, take initiative and tell me I'm doing a great job. Or, essentially; be my cheerleader, partner in crime, supporter and biggest fan.
Other people may resonate with my point-form, easy explanation and examples of the 5 Love Languages, listed below:
Remember, we are all unique, and we all have our OWN Love Language.
1. Acts of Service
- Help with the chores, daily tasks, errands, to-do lists, etc.
- Provide or drop off lunch for someone if they forgot it / pick something up.
- Be gracious by showing up with a coffee or tea on a loved ones rough day.
- Brushing the snow off both the cars, instead of just the one that you (or they) are driving.
- Be of help, assistance, encouragement and take initiative.
2. Words of Affirmation
- Tell someone they're working their ass off when they are.
- Provide a confidence boost by complimenting others.
- Be a cheerleader, with positive feedback and encouragement.
- Give generous grace, praise, and kind reminders.
3. Physical Touch
- Touch someone.
- Have sex.
- Massages, hand holding, bum-tapping, arm touching, etc.
- Physical touch doesn't always need to be sexual, and often, isn't completely necessary.
- The simple touch of an arm during a consoling moment, or the warmth of a hug can mean everything, to someone.
4. Quality Time
- Map time out of your day for some quality time with those you love.
- Make an effort, make plans, and show up.
- Date nights, walks, hikes, coffee dates, journaling sessions, relaxing movies, etc.
- Spend time together, with undivided attention.
- Even running chores together, could be someones version of Quality Time Love.
5. Receiving Gifts
- Gucci, Prada, Louis or Booey. Whatever it is; it's simple. Give gifts.
- The gift doesn't always have to be extravagant, however, some sort of gift.
- The gift of flowers, a necklace, a trip, a purse, a new soccer ball or piece of workout equipment; even a simple moisturizer or new tube of mascara can speak volumes to many people.
- Show up with the kind gesture of a gift.
My Love Language is Acts of Kindness (assistance to my never-ending to-do lists, goals, tasks etc) and Words of Affirmation (complimenting me and acknowledging my hard work, growth, etc).
I have always known this was my Love Language. I have done this tests numerous times throughout the past 6 years, and my results have never differed. This is whom I am, and this is how I receive love.
However, It is not always how I give love.
For example: Gifts are great, but personally speaking - that doesn't tell me you love me. Whereas other people wouldn't dare feel love through Words of Affirmation, because "actions speak louder than words". A statement which I can appreciate. However, I do feel love through Words of Affirmation.
See, we are all different.
So, what's the point, Daniella?
Learning what your Love Language is an essential tool for gauging and progressing through relationships. In respect of learning your Love Language, you will also learn others Love Languages, too. You will learn how others perceive and give love, noticing what will actually benefit both you and them. You will learn what won't encourage, or console them through hardships, and what will light them up, make them laugh or touch their heart.
Example: If someone doesn't feel love through a gift, buying them a brand new $3000.00 purse probably won't make them feel overly loved or valued. In fact, it'll probably just hurt both your ego and wallet. Whereas, a simple cup of tea and a tight hug, would have been all that person needed.
Learning Love Languages is not difficult, however it does involves effort. Both asking questions, and stating ones needs, are essential for truly growing any kind of relationship.
Ex) "Honey, I really appreciate when you tell me I'm doing a great job when I feel extreme stress from work and life".
Ex) "I'd like more quality time with you. Let's schedule from 7-9, our quality time".
Ex) "I really loved how I stated I needed to pick-up mascara, and you stopped on your way home to pick it up for me".
Love is about the give-and-take. We must give love, to get love. However, if you are giving the wrong love, to the right person, you could end up in a losing battle, not getting anywhere. Therefore, you must understand love.
When one refrains from learning someone's Love Language, they essentially put up blockers or walls in their relationship. You know the term and feeling of "walking on eggshells", yeah. Well, we see a lot of "walking on eggshells" when ones love languages aren't understood or reciprocated. People will start to feel uncared about, unvalued, unworthy and mis-understood.
However, if you take the time to learn both your Love Language, and the Love Language of others, you'll have flourishing, fruitful relationships. No one feels unworthy, unloved, or second-best, when their needs (Love Language needs) are met.
Learn your Love Language, and Learn their Love Language, too.
xo
dee
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