Weight gain and the anxious brain.
- Jan 9, 2020
- 4 min read
We all gain weight throughout the Holidays.
it is unfortunately a natural part of the season. In Winter (especially in those colder climate areas), our bodies want to store fat.
Why?
1. Heat and survival.
2. To utterly piss us off (just kidding...kind of).
Let's be honest with yourself here, Daniella.
You've (I've) unwillingly gained weight. I didn't go balls-to-the-walls with my nutrition and Holiday food intake. Actually, I haven't changed my diet much at all. I've been eating the exact same as I was prior to these Holiday months.
OR have I?
Well, if are are going to be honest here, I haven't been myself. I've been eating all the same foods, yes. However, my quantities of nutrients were much larger. I've been overeating like crazy, without even recognizing it. I haven't been acknowledging my hunger cues or signals, and I've been eating past fullness at every-single-meal. It wasn't intentional at all, but it has been happening; and I am now, recognizing it.
I have been overly stressed and completely mentally unraveling, recently. My seasonal depression has become very severe within the last month. The weather has gotten colder, my work has ended and my financial income has lessened and my weight has increased. My confidence is weakening and my energy levels are shot. I so desperately want to fix everything all at once, and just don't know how/where to begin. All in all, I've been emotionally eating as a coping mechanism to my unraveling mental state.
It really isn't the end of the world. However, it is the end of my world.
Let me explain that.
A lot of people would see the Holidays as the perfect excuse to unintentionally gain weight. They don't care about the weight they've gained, because they know they will get back on track. They have enjoyed their Grandma's cookies, Mom's turkey dinner, the Italian Seafood Sanctuary and the warm and crispy, apple pie. YUM!
However, there are also people like me. The people who take everything to heart. People like me, let a few extra pounds, take the reins of our lives. We let it control us. I have definitely allowed the weight control me. I have allowed a few extra pounds and a bit less definition on my body, lower my entire vibration. I've been unconfidently walking with my head down, wearing sadness like a blanket as my eyes are swollen from tears and stress. When someone looks at me, I "look tired, or sad". And truth is - they're right.
I am tired and sad. I'm tired of being sad, and I'm sad because I'm tired.
Life is stressful as fuck. It always seems like "if its not one thing - it's everything.
It's not just about the Holiday season. It's the entire sha-bang. It's the loss of employment due to demolition. It's the weight gain, overeating fatigue, exhaustion, depression, cold weather and dark days. It is the stress of wanting to try new medication, but being unbelievably scared. It is the stress of looking for work, and needing to start training. It is the stress of doing things that don't resonate with my soul, but feeling forced to do so. It is the shitty feeling of repeating the same cycles. It is the knowing of putting myself in low-vibrating places (like new job employment), and feeling option-less, as it is a source of income. That is what it is. It.Is.Everything. It is a viscous fucking cycle, just drainnnnnin' on my sparkle.
I have cried a lot, lately. I have struggled a lot, lately. I have felt a lot of low self-worth and confidence. I feel insecure as fuck with my body and the energy I am giving off. I feel fear of starting a new job, getting off medications, and being a part of a new environment. I feel stress within my heart as I am pulled in multiple directions. I feel stuck, almost. And quite frankly, I feel inadequate-at best. I am struggling, a lot. And although I am doing my bloody best to muster on, I am still struggling.
Weight isn't an emotion. But emotions have weight.
What do I mean by this?
Weight itself is not an emotion. However, our emotions have weight. Our emotions can feel heavy and unsteady, just like our emotions. Or our emotions can feel light airy, just like our emotions.
Just because weight itself is not am emotion (like anger, happiness or sadness), it can have the same weight of those emotions.
No ones journey is linear.
No persons process, progress, journey or story, is a straight line. There are always curves and hurdles to be overcome. At this current moment, my linear line hit a curve. That is life. Driving down the street, there are stop signs, red lights, roadblocks and pedestrians crossing. Instead of turning around, we wait patiently-impatiently, until it is our turn to proceed. and sweetheart, you will proceed, too.
If you have gained weight this Holiday season. If you are going through big changes and the world seems to be crashing down around you, please don't give up. Don't lose hope. Everything is temporary. Every storm runs out of rain. I promise you. We are blessed with these shortcomings, to embrace what is meant for us. We are given these falls, in order to embrace being picked up.
This too, shall pass, angel.
Keep your feet grounded, head high, and faith strong.
I love you.
xo
dee
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