thin value.
- Oct 31, 2019
- 3 min read
You know what is unbearably annoying?
How much I try to please people, only to feel under-valued.
Working doubles, slaving away over my creations, driving myself nuts trying to find the perfect things for that person, or going out of my way to try to make sure tasks are accomplished correctly - only for it to be disregarded and ignored.
It gets reallly annoying, real quick. You think i'd learn by now. But nope. I still take on too much and bring my Type A perfectionist personality in at full speed.
Like holy shit balls, Daniella. Give it a rest, will ya?
I tend to spread myself too thin.
I try to take on far more than I can.
You see, I want to please everyone, and not disappoint anyone. Unfortunately, my self-worth was always kind of based on that. Disappointing others and letting people down, makes me feel like a failure. I feel as though I need to ensure the wants and needs of others are met, to ensure that I am well-liked. If someone asks me to do something, I tend to automatically say yes, without actually considering how it will impact my day. When someone asks me to do something, it almost becomes a "do-or-die" kind of task, in my head. I get anxiety when time starts running out, or when I simply cant provide the level of service I am capable of giving. It hurts my heart, to hurt others, hearts.
Im not condoning this shit. It is completely ass-backwards and honestly extremely toxic.
No one should rely on someone else's satisfaction and recognition as a sense of self-worth or pride. Someone else's opinion is just that - their opinion. It's completely individualized perspective from that person, which may or may not be in alignment with yours. What I like or believe is wonderful, may not be liked or wonderful in your eyes. And vice versa.
Which brings me to my next point.
Not being appreciated after you work your rear-end off.
THIS . GRINDS . MY . GEARS
Honestly, this one angers the hell out of my soul. Although, I must admit, it's completely unfair to get upset about. Like I said, I can work my ass off; grinding, perfecting and making something impeccable (again, in my opinion). I can lose sleep, get extremely anxious about making something extraordinary, only to have someone not appreciate my efforts. Maybe they don't see the beauty and hard work, that went into the task/project. Maybe the extra hours I slaved away, were completely looked at as something that I was "supposed" to do; an expectation, if you will.
This happens a lot.
It actually happened to me recently, prompting my decision to no longer create/craft certain things.
The lack of value that someone shows to a person, can really tear them down. It's emotionally draining to feel like your efforts are undervalued and unappreciated. It's almost like a slap in the face, without the physical contact. It's a form of disrespect from that person to not see your hard-work or efforts. However it's also disrespectful of you to expect that this person will automatically love everything, you do.
This is what complicates the whole spreading yourself too thin scenario. If you spread yourself too thin, trying desperately to please everyone, only to feel undervalued, you'll truly lose some confidence (if you're a sensitive sally-like myself).
People like us, we've gotta build up more armour. We need to become stronger mentally. I've been told for years that I need to be less sensitive and unfazed by others opinions. But its bloody fucking hard. And anyone whom is equally as sensitive, will definitely understand this, too.
Maybe instead of being "less sensitive" (is that even possible?), we need to learn to say no.
Maybe instead of being less sensitive, we honour our daily tasks and when we are already feeling a bit overwhelmed, instead of adding to our never-ending lists.
The more overwhelmed we get, and the more things we add to our to-do lists, the less rational we are. We create our own fears of being disliked, upsetting someone, letting someone down or not accomplishing the tasks affect the amount of things we take on. We create our own anxiety from this. We lose sleep, and gain craze.
Comments