reeeee-write
- Oct 16, 2019
- 5 min read
Did you know you can reinvent yourself?
Did you know you could write a new story?
Did you know you could change the entire narrative of your life?
Did you know that the past you, doesn't need to be the present you, nor should it be the future you.
Did you know, that it's up to you?
Write your fucking story, babe.
Who was I?
Honestly, I was someone I don't even like to remember. It's taken me a very long time, to let go of the stories I've told myself. I've certainly learned from my past, and refer to them when I need a good kick in the ass. However, I choose not to hyper-focus on those chapters anymore. Now, I choose to forget the past negativity and progress forward, with my dreams in sight. I choose to not act the way I did, or progress through life with the same self-deprecating chatter. I was obsessed with something toxic, and I had a toxic way of thinking. I allowed my thoughts to control my every move, and fear to stop me from dreaming. I became tunnel visioned on negative things, built walls larger than life, and forgot how to be a friend first, and selfish, second. I replayed the same cynical cycles and stories in my head, over and over again. I wasn't whole. I wasn't aware of how down and out, I had allowed myself to be.
Now.
I am far more mindful of my thoughts. I own my passions, my feelings, my emotions, desires, wants, beliefs, values, and I own my uniqueness. If you don't like me-all is well; if you do, cool. I'm at a different stage in my life. A mindful stage.
I use mindfulness to guide me to my fitness routine. I use mindfulness to guide me to my nutrition selections. I use mindfulness when interacting with others and I use mindfulness to even guide me on my driving route or clothing store choice. I am mindful of what I actually want, versus what society, cravings, habits, or the inner bitch in my head, want. Although it's sometimes hard to stay mindful and not let those past thoughts or habits creep in, I know that my intuition knows best.
I am currently ready to achieve the desires I've had for years. I am ready to clap for my damn self, and put in the work - even when you aren't looking.
I am working on my own personal passion projects, and a, far more open to any opportunities that come my way. If something enters my life, I will no longer close the door, before knocking to see whom is there.
I no longer seek approval and acceptance. I no longer kick the shit out of myself to the same extent.
Am i still a work in progress? Ab-so-fucking-lutely. But hey. Who isnt?
The main thing is, I've fucking changed, and I'm rewriting my story.
There comes a time in your life, where you hit the wall or feel like you've gotten punched in the face. You know you want more, you know you need more, but you don't know where to start.
Thats me.
This is my current chapter in life.
And guess what, its okay.
Chapter confused will be a great chapter, regardless of the lack of direction.
Im perfectly fine with being in the confusing, unknown chapter.
The unknowns used to give me so much trembling anxiety, and although they still do interrupt my thoughts sometimes, they no longer control me. It's a liberating feeling, because I feel like I am in the driver seat again.
I get to choose the thoughts I keep, and the thoughts I allow to pass by.
I get to choose the way I perceive something, or not.
I get to choose how I want to show up, or not.
I get to choose, because this is my life.
I no longer let anxiety and fear hold me back, and to be honest, this is a recent change and finding. I say it like it's set in stone, because that's how you manifest the changes you desire, into reality. I no longer let anxiety and fear hold me back. I've decided that if I can dream it, I can do it. And that is exactly what I am doing. I am dreaming it, and doing it.
Did you know, 3 nights before my first competition, I dreamt that I won third place. Guess what, I won third place at my first show.
Coincidence? Maybe to some. To me - not at all.
If you can dream it,
you can do it.
If you're like me, and you've been holding yourself hostage to the old version of you, its time to re-write the story. That past version of you served it purpose, however, that service is finished. It is now time to move on to the next chapter of your life.
If you wanted a certain career but don't anymore, find one you do want.
If you used to do fitness competitions, but discovered you love yoga - go buy a yoga mat.
If you used to scream and shout to get your way, but no longer act that way, then don't.
Fuck. I used to love the colour pink, but now I love yellow.
Whatever it is, you can change it.
I no longer want to be the fitness competitor, In fact, I haven't wanted to be the fitness competitor, since I was the fitness competitor. I was a miserable, exhausted, hungry, bitchy bitch. I was over-focused on my workouts and food. I was obsessed with both a food scale, and body scale. I weighed everything and left nothing up to possibilities. I was diligent and specific. I was focused on an external world, thinking it would give me satisfaction and praise (which it did, but it was short lived and highly judged). I put myself first, and watched my relationships fall apart. I am not that girl, now. And I haven't been that girl for a long time.
I am far more into overall health and nutrition, now. I believe in balance between fitness and rest, health and wellness for your internal and external world, as well as building a supportive tribe. Now, I am focused on self growth, mindfulness, enhancing my spirituality and really owning my powers. I am gifted in ways, that others aren't. Where people lack, I thrive, and where I lack, others thrive. I am focused on growing with others whom share my passion. I am focused on surrounding myself with people who want to level up, and lean into the fear, as I do.
Say it with me sister.
It's time to level up.
It's time to change our story, and enhance our lives.
We aren't those negative things that people said we were, and we aren't stuck believing that we are. We get to choose how we project ourselves to the world. We get to choose our next steps.
We get to choose, because we are the author.
Write a new fucking story babe. It's your time to shine.
xo,
dee
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