sensirude

I am the mother-fuggggin' sensitivity queen.

I feel fucking everything.

And it can be unbearably fucking annoying.

---

Being an Empath comes with a whole whack of feels.

I can feel my vibes. I can feel your vibes and I can feel everyone else's, vibes.

You don't need to say a damn thing, and I can already tell what kind of mood you're in, how your day is going and where your head is at.

I can feel your anxieties, your fears, your hurts, your sorrows, your energy, your spunk, your quirks, your eagerness, and all of your selfless love.

I can feel it all.

Being an Empath, is both a blessing and a curse.

It is a blessing because it normalizes feeling "off", for others. I become a safe zone for people to confide in, as I call you out on your shit. I become a trusting, sincere, genuine and helpful support to those whom are too afraid to speak their truths.

It's a curse, because it drains me of my energy, and when I am drained, or not myself, I turn into a very negative and shitty version of myself.

I too, wear my heart on my sleeve. My every emotion is seen by others, because I am shit at hiding it. From bad days, to insane energy levels, to anxiety to a craze of wanderlust. I wear it all.

---

I was called rude the other day, because I just couldn't form words. I was fighting back tears because I was so internally angry with myself. I didn't want to talk, I didn't have the energy I normally do, and honestly, I just felt like hibernating.

But, I didn't.

I did my best to go on throughout my day as I normally would, but for some reason, I couldn't shake this internal distress.

I was called rude, because I just didn't speak to those I saw at the gym. It was too hard for me to pretend to put on anything other than a fake smile. I knew I would have a mental breakdown, if I actually conversed with those around me.

I was purely just overwhelmed, under-slept, exhausted, and miserable (at best).

AND THATS OKAY.

I was off.

...

What wasn't okay, was my Resting Bitch Face that just pushed others away before even speaking to me.

What wasn't okay, was being rude (unintentionally) to those around me by avoiding conversation, making them feel ignored.

What wasn't okay, was not listening to my body and taking the additional rest that I needed.

What wasn't okay, was not owning my truths.

I knew I wasn't myself that day. I knew I was projecting a very poor version of myself, and I knew I was getting only more angry with myself for projecting such a shitty version of myself.

---

Friends,

This is your gentle reminder to take the time you need, to become the best version of yourself possible. Take a rest day, take a bath, drink your tea, call your friend, skip the workout, go for a walk, meditate, take deep breaths, ask for space and do whatever it is you need to do - to own your truths.

It's hard.

I know this.

It is hard to feel other peoples pain, and not let it impact yours. It is hard not to get down and out when others are down and out. And it is hard to protect yourself when you may need some protecting.

Awareness is a bitch.

But when you are more self aware, you are far more capable of calling yourself out on your bullshit, rather than negatively impacting those around you.

All my love,

xo

Dee