Mountain Maintenance

Its funny how far ahead we, as humans, constantly try to look. We are always trying to foresee our next steps, next destinations, next obstacles and choices. However, how can we really see what is beyond our sights?

The answer is: we can't.

Normally, my mornings start out with a quick gym session before I start the day. This helps get my endorphins boosted and feel-good-vibes, flowing! However, this morning, I was not feeling it what-so-ever. I woke sore, lethargic and exhausted from the week; however, I still wanted to get some morning exercise in.

To the mountains, I went.

My morning hike was hard as hell. If you're from Vancouver, you probably know what The Grouse Grind is all about. If you're not from Vancouver, just go google it. Jesus Murphy. It crushed me, in a stellar way.

It was just me, the trees, the roots, my deep breathing and the birds chirping. It was nature and I, in complete serenity. This is where In feel the most free, the most at ease and at peace. Nature is where I reflect, and calm my mind by just taking in the fresh air and beauty. I call it Forest Bathing, or better yet, my personal version of meditation (because Lord knows, I can not sit still or quiet long enough to actually meditate).

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Reflection:

On this glorious hike, I couldn't help but notice how in sync I was with my steps and the ground right below my feet. Instead of looking ahead at the distance, or path or route I had to go - I stayed in the moment and my own groove, but effortlessly (well, kinda. No, actually, it was A LOT of uphill effort) just stepping.

With each step I took, I trusted that I was making the right step. Whether I stumbled and had to catch my balance, or I freely flew through the uneven grounds - I just moved.I just flowed.

I didn't feel the need to look beyond the horizons, and try to meticulously plan out the route I was taking. I just trusted the path that had been guided for me, knowing that if I had gone off track, I would easily get back to it.

Read that again: If I got off track, I would get back to it.

-CUE SELF EPIPHANY-

This is where it hit me. And i questioned myself, right in that euphoric moment.

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"Why can you trust this uneven, rocky, difficult path so much, without any desire to look up and try to see all the steps ahead, yet you can't trust your life path of Gods timing?"

I found it so challenging to really come up with an adequate answer to this, and it lead me to further self-questioning.

1. Why do I find it so difficult?

2. Why don't I trust myself, my choices, or the path I am walking?

3. Why do I constantly doubt myself, and overthink every little detail?

I fear quite a bit. Ive made so many mistakes over the years I've lived, that I'm desperately trying to hold onto my version of perfection. I've made many, many poor choices, been involved with poor social groups and relationships, said hurtful things and done some pretty awful ones, too.

All these actions, we're made by me.

They were MY poor choices, and I had to face the consequences that I created for myself.

The fear of making similar, or better yet-any mistakes after living through the ones I had previously made, held me mentally hostage.

I was now fearful of everything, and scared of making ANY choice. This fear of movement and progression, lead me to stagnancy in my life. It lead me to postponing all the things that I desperately wanted to accomplish and try. I chose to ignore my hearts wants and desires for years, which lead me to a life of unhappiness, unfulfillment and self-resentment.

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Self reflection is necessary. As you can see, the Mountain Maintenance for me, is Mental Maintenance.

It felt like I was looking at myself and my life, through the eyes of another.

It felt like I took my blinders off, and opened my eyes.

It felt like the haze and fog, had cleared from my sight.

It felt like clarity.

I highly recommend that you reflect (however that looks for you) in a deeper way, daily.

Reflect daily.

Say your gratitudes, daily.

Journal, daily.

Give thanks, daily.

But that deep reflection, where you take it to the next level, do that shit - daily. Start with once a week, until build your reflection strength, up. Trust me, its mighty difficult for me, too. Time escapes us. But a few moments a day, can really save you - from yourself.

Keep Grindin'

xo

Dee